still cant sleep...

im still restless, i dont think im done...  

post ike, everyone has been talking on the tv and radio about getting back to a state of normalcy...  i dont think i want that...  i wasnt very happy with normal...  to be quite honest, it wasnt really working for me...  my life was pretty stagnant, so many things were falling by the wayside for me, i was taking on far more than i should, thinking that the quantity of service that i did was what mattered...  or so my actions would denote that...  

truth be told, ive been in way over my head for some time now, and i think at this very moment ive just realized that...

im a jumper... if i find something good, something that i like, something that i feel benefits me, i jump in head first...  and the freefall is beautiful, its the single most exhilirating feeling ever experienced...  until i land flat on my head...  after impact, i deal with the pain, pick up the broken pieces of what is left of myself, and trudge forward, towards the next cliff that awaits me...  

ive done this time and time again with my relationships with women, with jobs, etc...  what i never expected is that i would do the same with my relationship with God...  

but now that the honeymoon is over, what is my next step...  

for me, its re-evaluation...  i have a foundation that needs to be checked, and a place to set some strong roots...  in nervous, but at least i caught myself before impact this time...  

i think...

pray for me...

i cant sleep

ok, its been quite some time since ive seen this hour without reason...  usually if i were to be awake now, im doing something that i probably, better yet assuredly, have no business doing...  

i cant sleep...  i cant get comfortable...  and that means one thing, its finally time for me to write...

about what, i have no clue...  my mind is a blank slate, covered in invisible scribble so small and moving so quickly that i cannot decipher it...  and its pretty darn annoying...

i was involved in an interesting conversation about dreams yesterday, and i had a moment...  as one of the contributors began to talk about their dream, i could immediately figure out the symbols and the meanings...  i was given an interpretation so profound and clear that all i wanted to do was stop everything and tell them...  and i didnt... it still burns inside of me...  but theres a part of me that feels that this person will believe me to be insane to give my interpretation...

i think im gonna do it...  be right back...

insert expletive here...

its such a good thing that i empitied my phone of all of those people that i could call when i felt "lonely"...

tonight is definitely one of those nights where i would be calling... and i know they would answer...

i cant sleep...

for some reason, i cant sleep...

ive made the mistake of entrusting something very fragile and precious to someone without first discussing it with them...

naybe its the fear that is keeping me awake...

i got the opportunity to talk to someone today that i really wanted to hear from, and i was totally unprepared for it. i know i sounded like an idiot... there was so much that i could have said, and didnt because it was for the best...

how do i keep getting myself into stuff like this?

worship for the sake of history...

if we believed in god, like truly believed in his existence, then why dont we devote everything we do to him...

just the beginning of a good conversation...

circle

a man draws a circle around himself, and protects those within. his wife. his children. some men draw a larger circle, brothers & sisters.

and then there are a few thst draw a circle around themselves that surrounds a great many people.

im starting to believe im one of those...

the week in review

this has been an interesting week to say the least...

I had my phone stolen, amongst other things...

so why am i on here again???

i guess that this is an opportunity to voice my opinion on some of the situations in my life...

simply put, im tired of people accepting mediocrity...

i had someone tell me the other day, "I dont see a reason to hurt or damage (i dont remember the word here) a good relationship"... this was said in reference to a conversation we were in the middle of having where it became evident that we were interested in each other on a more-than-friendship level... it puzzled me, but i let it go...

this is why it puzzled me... how do you accept good??? its like having a person place a perfectly prepared NY strip steak in front of you and saying, "thats okay, id rather have this 1$ double cheeseburger"...

ok that may be a bit of an extreme exxageration, but i think i get my point across... i for one will never be able to accept good, not when greatness is placed before me... call it ambition, call it determination, call it whaterver you feel like calling it... i call it getting what i am worth... i would hate for someone to feel like they are settling for me... just like i hate to see people settling... "but i was with him before i met you." SO??? there is obviously something that is not there, that you have developed this interest for me...

this is why i let it go... you are willing to accept good... i dont want someone that is willing to just take good... i want someone that strives for greatness in everything, including relationships... there is a reason why it is called "SIGNIFICANT" other... that person plays a significant role in your life... my thought on this is if the person you are with is not significant, and is not treating you with the level of significance that is congruent with your role in their life, then find someone who is SIGNIFICANT!!!

ok, im off my soapbox... ive been holding that in for days now...